Drabble 1: PG (for light reference to incest) pairing: Zaylor

author note: this entry is in Zac’s point of view

Past

Brothers… yeah that’s what they tell us… Taylor and I… we share two parents, 2 brothers and three sisters. Well let me just tell you that sometimes I wish we weren’t. Now don’t get me wrong. I love Taylor but if we weren’t siblings that would make my life and what I feel for him so much easier. I’m eleven. Maybe that seems young but I’m not exactly your average 11 year old. I’m the drummer for a band with one of the biggest hit this summer and it’s not unusual for me to get chased down the street and have my name screamed by girls. I don’t like girls… even though I’m 11 I can tell that I’m attracted to boys… one boy in particular… the one boy I know I can never have. I’m in love with Taylor… yeah my older brother Taylor. The blond haired, blue eyed beauty that makes those ivories sing better than anyone else I know. I can’t have Taylor… not now and not ever… the world would never let us be together whether we loved each other or not. Besides, I don’t even know if he loves me back… I’ve never asked. That’s why I’m so insane… just me, always and forever, crazy Zac with a secret no one knows…

Drabble 2: PG (again for references to incest) Pairing: Zaylor

author note: this entry is in Zac’s point of view

Fear

What if he hates me? He’s bigger and stronger than me. He could probably beat me up if he wanted to. I’m afraid to tell him how I feel because I don’t want to lose our friendship. He’s like my best friend…only bester. I don’t know if I could be the same crazy Zac without him to tease and pick on and hang out with. Maybe in the end I’m just a fraidy cat but I don’t care. I am 11 and scared and I’ll admit it. I know I have to tell him. It’ll kill me to keep this bottled up forever. I guess in the end my goal is quite clear, don’t lose myself in my fear. It’s easy to just curl up in my little bunk on this stupid tour bus and sleep most of my time away…but I see him way too much and I’d much rather just be honest and tell him than have him figure it out on his own. Like it’ll be more personal coming from me or something. I was gonna write him a letter but I must have gone through about 20 pages of notebook paper before I realized I didn’t even know how to put what I wanted to say into words. So I guess it’s face to face. I’m gonna have to look into his clear blue eyes and tell him I’m in love with him, that I have always been in love with him and that even if he hates me I’ll still love him. He’s so beautiful but I’m going to just have to look past his beauty and be strong and just tell him how I feel. That does not make me any less afraid though. I’ve officially decided that fear sucks and that it’s slowly killing me. What if Taylor feels the same way and I haven’t noticed because I’ve been so afraid? I don’t know… I just hope I can get past this fear and be honest with him and with myself.

Drabble 3: PG-13 (for obvious references to incest and sex) Pairing: Zaylor

author note: this entry is in Zac’s point of view

Maybe

I rehearsed the speech. I whispered it quietly to my reflection in the mirror in the tiny bathroom on our tour bus. That’s one of the nice things about touring. I could lock myself in that tiny bathroom for hours and as long as no one else needed to use it I was golden. If I hadn’t been so glad for the privacy I might have been angry that no one noticed me missing. Not even Taylor who I loved and thought of as my closest friend appeared to notice that I would disappear for hours on end. On this day though? I welcomed the fact that no one noticed my disappearing act. After I had every word of what I planned to say memorized, every syllable burned into my brain I got up my courage and went to find Taylor. I found him lounging in the back of the bus scribbling away in a notebook. He looked pensive and I assumed he was working on a poem or a song or perhaps penning his personal thoughts into a journal entry. I wanted to tap him on the shoulder but I was so scared to touch him. “Tay?” I call softly to get his attention. He shuts his notebook and sits up looking at me with those amazing aqua eyes. “I have to tell you something, but just let me get it out before you say anything k?” I say quickly pleading at him to remain silent while I delivered my news. He simply nodded and stared at me curiously. “Taylor… you’re my best friend… my big brother and I’ve always been able to tell you almost anything. Well I need to tell you something really important so here it goes. Ever since we were kids I’ve loved you. Loved you the way brothers are supposed to love each other. But this past year… I’ve started to feel that love change. I still love you Taylor… but more than I should… I love you more than I should… I look at you and want nothing more than to kiss your lips and love you the way lovers should. If you hate me I understand but I need to know how you feel” I say as I nod at him signaling him to speak.

“God Zac, I don’t know what to say… I need time to like process that… so I don’t know… Maybe…” Taylor says nibbling his lip. My heart fell and I turned away to go back to my bunk and let him think about the bombshell I’d just dropped on him. I brought out my own journal and wrote this simple line “broken angel, you’ve got to learn to fly…” and shut the book again before drifting into dreams.

Drabble 4: PG-13 (for moderate references to incest) Pairing: Zaylor

author note: this entry is in Zac’s point of view

Bruised

Taylor’s words were few but they cut through my heart like a knife. I kept hear his tentative voice inside my head. “God Zac, I don’t know what to say… I need time to like process that… so I don’t know… Maybe…” Those words burned through my brain and my heart. I was so hurt and his unwillingness to love me back made it feel like he’d ripped my heart out and then put it back in after it was as bruised and broken as possible. I know he didn’t mean to do it and the last thing I wanted to do was force him into a hasty decision. A part of me was scared that if I pressed the matter, that he would reject me. Although my mind was wandering, I did shows, interviews, and all of my day to day responsibilities without making it obvious to my brothers or our fans how bruised and broken I was. I didn’t ignore my brothers and I definitely didn’t ignore Taylor. I spent time with him as normal and treated him in the same way I always had. It was so hard for me not to just pounce on him sometimes. Something in his eyes gave me faith though, made me think that someday Taylor’s “maybe” would perhaps change into a ‘yes’. I lay in my bunk at night wishing, just wishing. Sometimes I’d even have these daydreams of Taylor coming to talk to me and telling me that he’s had time to think about it and that after searching his heart he’s discovered that he loves me too.

These dreams led only to brief moments of happiness which were often followed by a downward crash of my heart. I finally thought to myself that if Taylor was ever going to love me… like truly love me, that I couldn’t give him a bruised heart, so I brought myself back to life and began to heal my heart.

Drabble 5: PG (for slight references to incest and light touching) Pairing: Zaylor

author note: this entry is in Zac’s point of view

Snow

Winter came smothering our hometown of Tulsa in a layer of cold white snow. Isaac, Taylor and I had finished and released our Christmas album ‘Snowed In’. Taylor seems to be acting normal toward me and things with my heart were starting to feel so much better. I no longer felt like every look into his sexy cerulean eyes was a knife that stabbed my heart. I still wanted him, wanted him to love me… but I was content with him knowing how I felt and not hating me for it. I got all bundled up in the warmest clothes I could find and went into our backyard to play in the snow. I stood in the snow and just enjoyed the frigid air on my skin and the fact that I was not surrounded by screaming fans. I had just put the finishing touches on a snow man when I had this feeling that someone else had joined me in the backyard.

I knew who it was before I even turned around and said “Hey Tay” without even looking at him.

“Hey Zac, nice snowman” he says in his deeper tenor voice that had now finished changing.

“Thanks Tay.” I reply admiring my own handiwork and lying down on the ground to make a snow angel. Taylor did not say a single word as he lay beside me close enough that our fingers brushed while we moved our arms to create the wings of our snow angels. Just this slight simple tough was enough to make me blush and increase my body temperature a few degrees which probably wasn’t such a bad thing as I was currently on my back in about four feet of snow.

“Zac… do you remember that day… um on the bus?” Taylor says softly but clearly. My heart pounded in my chest as I remembered the only day he could possibly be talking about. The day I’d told him I was in love with him.

Drabble 6: PG-13 (for references to incest and light touching) Pairing: Zaylor

author note: this entry is in Zac’s point of view

Shiver

I was frozen, frozen with the shock that he’d brought up my speech all those months ago. I tried to open my mouth to speak but he stopped me from speaking by opening his mouth.

“I’ve been thinking about it Zac… ever since… and before I tell you what’s on my mind I need to know if you still… do you still love me?” he asked. He’d asked the question in a whisper and his whole statement had been slow, soft, and tentative. That was true Taylor though, always a people pleaser and never wanting to speak up for fear of making anyone else uncomfortable.

“Tay… of course I do. I will always love you. Now tell me… what exactly have you been thinking about?” I asked him trying to rid him of any fear or nervousness that he might be feeling. I got up out of the snow and held out my hand to help him out without even thinking about it. He took my hand and a slight pink blush crept over his cheeks as he now stood in front of me still holding my hand.

“I love you too Zac.” he says as his face turns pinker. “I always have.. I guess I just never realized what my feelings meant until you came and told me how you felt.” he says as the blush retreated from his cheeks and he squeezed my hand a bit tighter.

“Tell me your serious… please promise that this isn’t a joke” I begged with a smile on my face as I replayed Taylor’s “I love you too” in my head.

“No Zac, I’d never joke about something like this I’m really serious about this.” he tells me looking deep into my caramel eyes as if pleading desperately for me to believe him.

A shiver of both excitement and cold rushed through my body as I pulled him toward me and held him. I was hoping my hug communicated all the words my mouth appeared to be unable to speak. I pulled away after a few moments and I smiled at him. As we both stood smiling at each other and watching each others’ bodies visually shiver and shake, I finally found words. “let’s go inside and get warm.” was what I managed to say. He nodded eagerly and I led me back inside.

Drabble 7: PG-13 (for references to incest and light touching) Pairing: Zaylor

author note: this entry is in Zac’s point of view

Home

Once inside the house we began stripping off our cold, wet layers. We hung our jackets on the hangers marked with their names and threw their nylon snow pants into the hamper they’d finished they stood together in together in t-shirts and long pants.

“Let’s go to our room and change.” I suggested as my teeth continued to chatter. Taylor nodded as his body which was so much thinner than mine shook with cold and he rubbed his hands together to warm himself. I motioned for Taylor to follow me as I led the way to the bedroom that we had shared ever since we were toddlers. Once inside the room I shut the door behind us and pulled Taylor into a tight hug. It wasn’t a hug of love, but an attempt to warm his shivering body. After a few moments of holding each other, he broke from me and headed to his dresser to find some clothes. I opened my own dresser and found some blue pajama pants and long sleeve white t-shirt. After changing hurriedly I turned to find Taylor wearing red pajama pants and a t-shirt identical to my own though in his own size. Our room was a moderate size and we had two beds set up. Although we each had our own bed it wasn’t unusual for us to lay together in either Taylor’s bed or my own. We hadn’t shared a bed since the day I’d told him I was in love with him. He appeared to be reading my mind and without even asking he sprawled his thin, lanky frame not over his own bed, but on mine.

“No Tay, I don’t care if you sleep in my bed.” I tell him smirking as I walked over to the bed. He simply grinned at me and I settled my body beside his on the bed. I pulled the pillow under my head and he cuddled closer to me so that both of our heads could lie on it. He pulled my comforter over us and covered us in its warmth as he draped an arm around me, holding my body flush against his. I sighed happily as he pressed his chest against my back. This is home, I thought as my eyelids drifted closed and I fell into a happy and dreamless sleep with Taylor beside me.

Drabble 8: PG-13 (for references to incest, light touching, nudity) Pairing: Zaylor

author note: this entry is in Zac’s point of view

Unrequited love

I felt odd. I had woken up the next morning with Taylor’s warm breath falling on my neck and his soft skin rubbing against mine as his chest rose and fell with each breath he took. His arm was placed lightly over my waist and I resisted the urge to simply cuddle closer to him and go back to sleep. I had been spending every moment since my speech on the bus trying to get over Taylor’s unrequited love. I had finally put my heart back together and had come to terms with just being his brother. Id spent several months telling myself that at least he didn’t hate me and that i would rather have him as a brother and friend than nothing at all. I squirmed out of his clutches and got out of bed.

I headed into our bathroom. I locked the door and stripped off my pajamas. I turned on the shower and stepped under the warm stream of water. My mind wandered as I washed my body and while i massaged the shampoo into my shoulder length blond hair I ran the words he’d spoken to me through my head. “I love you too Zac. I always have, I guess I just never realized what my feelings meant until you came and told me how you felt.” How could I have spent six months convincing myself that he didn’t love me when he’d obviously been struggling with figuring out what his own feelings meant. I could not believe that I’d been so insensitive that I hadn’t noticed his internal struggle.

I washed the shampoo out of my hair and willed all my worries to go down the drain with the water and soap suds. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist. I then dried my hair, brushed my teeth and examined my reflection in the mirror. As i looked into my own eyes I told myself, “You love him Zac, and he loves you… just give this a chance, let Taylor love you.” After I finished speaking, I finally let myself leave the bathroom and after noticing Taylor still asleep, I smiled and put on fresh pajamas and crawled back into the bed allowing myself to lie down next to Taylor. This time I held his back to my front and draped my arm around his waist. I let my breath fall on his neck in a happy sigh as I fell asleep.

Drabble 9: PG-13 (for incest, light physicality) Pairing: Zaylor

author note: this entry is in Zac’s point of view

Kiss

Unlike Taylor, I tend to be a light sleeper and even the simplest and slightest movements will wake me. So when he squirmed out of my arms to take his own shower only about an hour after I’d settled back in bed with him, I woke from my peaceful sleep and pulled him back toward me. “Stay” I whined not wanting him to leave my arms until I was good and ready.

“Zac, I’m dirty…let me shower and I’ll come back” he complains looking me in the face as if asking my permission to shower. I nodded, because no one in their right mind could refuse Taylor and I especially had always given him anything he ever wanted. He kissed me innocently and quickly on the forehead and as my eyes searched his I found a pink blush on his face which I’m sure came close to the rosy hue I assume my skin turned. He didn’t apologize though and I cracked a smile at him as he turned away from me and headed into our bathroom.

I lay there listening to the shower run and replaying his simple kiss over and over in slow motion. I could still feel his warm, wet, satiny cherry colored lips on my forehead. I smiled to myself as I daydreamed about his lips actually touching my own. I heard the shower turn off and pretended to be asleep so he’d come back and lay with me again.

Sure enough, my plan worked and he crawled back into bed smelling slightly of his strawberry shampoo and the matching body wash. There was a slight difference this time when he lay down beside me we were laying face to face and he smoothed my hair back and my eyes flicked open instantly. “I knew you weren’t asleep” he says softly and I just gave him a grin. “Zac do you ever think about like kissing and stuff?” he asks and I could see his swimming pool blue eyes darting from my eyes to my full coral lips and back to my eyes again.

“Yeah… sometimes… I mostly think about kissing you” I admit with a grin and a blush. My own eyes darting from his lips to his eyes as the desire to kiss him became stronger and stronger within me.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks. I smiled and nodded as I thought to myself how sweet he was for asking. He ran his hand through my hair again bringing our faces close to each other and we closed our eyes and I felt his lips touch mine. Lightly at first, like a butterfly landing on a leaf and slowly we began to move our lips and press our mouths harder together. After a few shining moments we opened our eyes and broke the kiss. No more words were spoken but we were both grinning like idiots as we took the rest of Sunday morning and turned it into a giant nap punctuated every few hours with another round of kissing… just lips to lips… I was in heaven.